Feeling sad, random tears and the need to hold my kids close are a sure fire sign that I am in the midst of a hormonal shift. Today was a tough day. I felt sad and cried a lot. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, the kids had preschool.

I wish that I could tell you that there was a reason for my sadness but there was not. Over the last year I have noticed that my sadness comes during hormonal shifts and I try to allow them and know that they will pass. I have often thought that this might be what it feels like to have severe PMS.

I had never been plagued with PMS, emotional issues or depression before I had kids.

During pregnancy, I felt great. I felt like my body loved being pregnant and maintained my energy level throughout most of my pregnancy. I worked up until 1 week before I gave birth and I exercised regularly. I was so happy, never felt hormonal or emotional, and was convinced that there was no way that I could feel depressed after such a happy experience.

After AJ was born, I experienced "Baby Blues." I knew that hormones had a part to play in my sadness but my life was also in transition. Having a new baby had changed my focus from me and my career to him and his well being.

My doctor offered comfort, my outside world settled down and as my hormones began to rebalance, I felt better.

Then, a year later I had a miscarriage and again, my body went into flux. My hormones and the loss of a child caused another round of mild depression. It took 6 months for me to feel back in emotional balance and prepared to be pregnant again.

I got pregnant and again, my body felt great. I felt better than I did when I was not pregnant. I had energy, was happy and didn’t have any problem chasing, playing with or carrying AJ.

I slept a little more with the second pregnancy, but again had no thoughts of anything but mild baby blues after his birth.

It took about two weeks after Boo was born for the depression to take hold. Again, I would not classify it as full blown Post Partum Depression but it was more severe than my experience of Baby Blues.

My hormones did settle down and my doctor continually advised me to come in and talk if I felt that I needed anything. She told Joe to keep an eye on me and let her know if he was concerned. It never got to that point but has lingered longer than it did the first time.

At first I felt kind of crazy but have since realized that hormonal emotions are incredibly common. In my case medication is not necessary, but if it got worse I would consider going that route. It feels horrible to be sad or get mad or have any unexplainable emotion for no reason.

I am grateful and feel blessed to have my boys in my life and feel like a few tears, a sad moment or unexplainable feeling are a price that I am willing to pay for all of the joys that I experience.

I have done research, asked questions, read books, talked to my doctor and friends and come to the conclusion that there are many reasons for depression but the common denominator for most is hormones. I have had some success managing my hormones through balancing my body, mind and spirit.

Simply put, I feel better when I take care of myself and feel worse when I neglect myself.

I recently started taking a nutritional supplement and that has helped. I try to walk with the kids, play volleyball or do something physical every day. I make it a habit to feed my mind by reading as often as I can and nurture my relationships through phone calls or visits with friends. I take care of my spirit through spending quality time with my kids.

On a day like today, however, I needed a little bit more. I acknowledged that this was not who I am or how I chose to feel. It was a residual effect from a hormonal shift. I took no responsibility for the tears, let them flow and felt sad simply because I did. I took my supplements, grabbed a hopeful romantic novel and went outside to relax in the sun; a little Vitamin D couldn’t hurt!

My feelings of sadness shifted as I watched the clock and the time neared for the kids to come home.

The idea of being with them seemed to lighten the dark cloud that sat over my head. I felt like they were not responsible for my tears and wanted to show them that I was excited to hear about their day. Their excitement was contagious and I found myself with a tear of joy in my eye.

It was refreshing to be able to pinpoint why I was crying. Not all of my emotional surges are negative. Since the birth of my boys I have felt more emotions than I used to.

Luckily, my emotional shifts coincide with my cycle and don’t last very long anymore; a day or two and I get back to feeling like myself again.

Since the shifts haven’t been too bad and have been manageable, I allow them to come and go, but still search for the answer to steady my emotions permanently.

Off to make another Mommy Milestone.