As I walked into the gym, I had a looming feeling of regret, fear and apprehension about my choice to try yoga again. The instructor had been so kind and encouraging and I felt like I owed it to myself to try again. However as I approached the room with the quiet music and dim lighting I began to wonder if I had made the right decision.

My mind began to meddle before I even entered the room, picked my spot and grabbed all of my necessary gear. I needed a mat, blankets and foam blocks to ensure that I was not disrupting the class in the middle of a pose. I learned my lesson last time, my body does not like flexibility and some poses are not possible without some serious help.

The instructor saw me and gave me a little smile. I am sure that my face did not look serene or even happy as I tried to "quiet" my meddling mind and settle in for the upcoming yoga adventure.

I made a decision on my way over that if this went as badly as it had before, I would happily be a yoga drop out. However, in my heart I could feel a little hope. I really wanted to be like those women in the photos; gently posed in an awkward position with a look of contentment, how I desperately wanted that feeling of contentment.

Class began and I would like to say that I had a blissful experience, found my personal contentment and will forever be a yoga fanatic, but I can’t. I had a good experience but it was far from blissful. I forced my body into positions that are only fit for the animal that they were named after and found myself in a severe sweat even though this was not "hot" yoga.

The instructor helped me with the blocks and blankets and I focused as hard as I could on feeling bliss. Honestly, bliss is not a feeling that comes easily through the pain of stretching, holding and trying to breathing in precarious positions.

My mind seemed to be reluctant to "quiet" but did allow me to focus on the activity at hand. I made sure to breathe when she told us, move when asked and rest when I could.

At the end, I was not as frustrated as I had been before. My mind felt a subtle sense of accomplishment. My spirit felt lighthearted and somehow elevated and my body was aching. My goal for yoga was to balance mind, body and spirit and I felt that two out of three was a decent start.

As I lie on my mat at the end of the class listening to the sounds of the ocean I felt a rush of emotion. I had made it through, overcome my fear, objections and pain, and wanted to come back.

I am not sure if I was just glad that I wasn’t a yoga drop out or if I was happy that I did not berate myself this time, either way I felt good.

Thank you yoga instructor, you were right and I am glad that I listened. I am not sure that I will ever be photo worthy but I hope to be yoga happy. Contentment now means something different than it did when I walked into the studio. Then it meant total mind quieting and now it means successfully completing the class. My standards have changed for the better, are more realistic and fit into the realm of possibility for me and my body.

I will go back, I will keep trying and I will eventually stop using those annoying foam blocks and blankets. I will know what she means when she asks for a pose and I will be able to support another woman as she experiences what I felt during my first class.

Off to make another Mommy Milestone.