As my 20 year high school reunion rapidly approaches, I find myself reflecting on my life since high school. I am happily married, have 2 great kids and yet get that gut wrenching feeling from high school of trying to fit in at the mere thought of seeing people again.
I did go to my 10 year reunion and was in a less than ideal situation. I had been in a 4 and a half year relationship with a guy (Jerk) that had also gone to my high school. Most people knew that we had been living together and that we had broken up. He had cheated on me in Tahoe with a floozie he met in a casino, I felt like everyone knew, my self confidence was shot and I dreaded the night. I went with a great and supportive friend and had a blast; it worked out and I survived.
Now, 10 years later, I am in a totally different place and yet I find myself reflecting over not only the past 10 years but all 20.
What have I done with my life?
Am I where I wanted to be?
My conclusion was simple, NO I am not where I wanted to be and thank goodness! If I were where I wanted to be 20 years ago I would have been married and probably divorced from a different man than Joe. I would not have my wonderful kids, my dogs, and my house or more importantly I would not be who I am right now.
From time to time I think about the life changing decisions that altered my path. It is interesting how there were pivotal decisions that either moved me forward in a direction or dramatically changed my course.
For instance, I chose to go to college at a small school where my boyfriend, high school sweetheart, went to school. He was a year older and we were “promised”. It sounds funny now but at the time it was so important.
Six months into college we broke up and there I was, in a school that was probably not a great fit for me. I had one saving grace, I played volleyball and was making some friends. I had a choice, change schools or stick it out. I chose to stay and am glad that I did.
Another pivotal moment was 1 year out of college. I went to visit a friend in San Francisco and he wanted me to move out there. His mom owned a restaurant and I could work there until I got a job in marketing. I had just gotten a job as an account coordinator for a direct marketing company. My choice was to either follow my deeply infatuated heart and move, becoming a waitress and hoping for a chance in marketing or stay here and pursue a career while continuing to look for romance. I chose to stay and have had many happy years working in marketing and grown from the experiences.
The rest is history, 10 years ago the infamous break up, 8 years ago I met my true match, my best friend and the love of my life, 7 years ago we got married, 4 years ago we had AJ and 19 months ago we had Boo.
As I reflect, I sit here wondering what I will tell people when they ask, “so what do you do now?” That seems like such a loaded question and yet it is so simple. I can answer in a self serving way that makes me feel important and look important to them or I can be real and tell them what is truly important to me and my family.
I can say I am the executive director of the non-profit foundation Mother Matters, a published author and marketing consultant. I could say that, but does that really say what I am doing now? No!
I am at home with my kids, providing a stable home for them to grow up in and become the people that they chose to become. I also enjoy working with moms, writing and consulting as it comes up. I could say that, but does it sound impressive? No! But that is what I do and what is important to me.
It was a pivotal choice for me to be home with my kids. I had been working from a home based office since 1996 and was convinced that it would be easy to do with a child. It was, for about the first year, and then it got complicated. Multiply that times 2 with the second child and working from home looks a lot different. Work in the early mornings, late nights and during nap time is the only way to find 8-10 hours in the day; it takes away from time with Joe, time to sleep and some days is in small 30 minute increments.
It changed the type of work that I went after, the type of companies that I chose to work with and the number of hours a day that I am willing to work.
The choice to be at home with my kids was a life changing decision that I wouldn’t change for the world. Some days it is trying and others are fabulous but both are important to me and my family. I never thought that I would give up a nice salary and the feeling of importance that comes from a title but mom is the only title that seems to matter now, the rest is just icing on the cake.
The reunion is this weekend, I am happy and excited to introduce Joe to my old friends and tell them about my kids. I am first and foremost a mom and wife; the rest is somehow less significant to me 20 years after high school.
Off to make another Mommy Milestone.