As I sat rocking Boo at 3 a.m., I enjoyed the soft baby scent of his hair, his smooth supple skin, and the gentle rhythm of his breathing.
Boo had woken up a little scared and out of sorts. I went to his room to see what was wrong but luckily found nothing but a tired little boy.
Boo has always had a little trouble sleeping. He didn’t sleep through the night until he was 10 months old. I will never forget the terrible night when we were forced to let him cry himself to sleep. He had gotten used to falling asleep in our arms and was unable to put himself back to sleep if he awoke.
Our pediatrician said that the sleepless nights would continue if we did not do something soon. The longer that we put him back to sleep the longer it would take for him to learn on his own.
I remember feeling like it had been hours of crying but in reality it had only been a few minutes. I sat in my room, Joe held me tight and I cried. It was as if my heart was breaking with every MAMA that came shrieking out of his mouth. I felt like the worst parent in the world and then it was over. He had cried himself to sleep.
The next night it only took a couple of minutes and then no time at all. It seemed that we had done the right thing even though it was hard for all of us at the time.
Now when he wakes up I am able to go to him. I hold him and love him because I know that there will be a time when he doesn’t need me at night, a time when I rock alone. For now, I close my eyes, take in his baby smell, and hold him tight.
He is becoming so independent and I see it as a sign of things to come.
My life makes sense to me right now. I enjoy late night rocking chair visits, snuggle time on the couch, and reading stories before bed. I never knew that I would need them so much but I can’t remember what my life was like before them.
Right now I enjoy spending time with my boys; at this age they need me and want to spend time together. As they get into school, sports, music and friendships they will have less time at home and it won’t be cool to play with mom. At that point my role will change.
Until then, I am here, playing trains, racing cars and kissing scraped knees.
Off to make another Mommy Milestone