At what point did the ‘rule’ become optional? Are children being taught the Golden Rule? Or, do you think kids are just learning their behaviors from observing adults? Isn’t that a scary thought based on some of the people that we run into on a daily basis?
It seems to me that people are quick to judge, yell, and provide the middle finger before they see the other persons point of view or pay attention to who is watching. My sons have witnessed far more road rage, vulgar behavior, yelling, spitting, and heard more cursing than I had by the time I was a teenager and that wasn’t so long ago.
As a mom, I try to shelter my kids from this type of behavior. But I need to face the fact that the minute we leave the house it is like an episode of "The Real World" and anything can happen. All of the parental controls on the television and internet can do nothing outside of our home.
If someone could create a remote that would mute the people with inappropriate language, change the content of a situation or better yet, turn it off all together it would be worth trillions!
I can’t tell you how many times my son has looked at me and asked "Mommy, what does Xxxx mean?" I usually try to counter with a witty play on words, but some words I don’t even know and am left speechless.
One day he happened to see the news on TV at the store where we were shopping. I wasn’t paying attention to what was on, but he was. As we left the store, he looked at me with a kind of odd expression and asked "why are those people looking in a dumpster for that little girl?"
He was 3 and I was faced with brutal reality in the eyes of a child. I had to explain that some people are not nice and that is why we stay close to mommy when we are out. I could only put it into terms that he could understand and learn from. I told him that the little girl had gotten lost and that they were looking everywhere for her. Someone might have taken her and her mommy desperately wanted her back. I took the opportunity to say that I love him very much and would be forever lost without him. I told him that holding his hand when we are out, staying close together and never leaving with anyone but mommy will help to keep us safe and together. It was not a conversation that I had planned on having with him at that age but did provide a unique opportunity for both of us to learn.
Another day we were out and a man was yelling, no, screaming at someone in the mall. He used a myriad of expletives, hand gestures and comments that I as an adult found appalling and quite honestly got scared. I remember feeling like a mother hen ushering my chicks past the big bad wolf trying to stop them from staring and get away safely.
The man was oblivious to us but my children were not. They looked shocked, confused and AJ said that he felt sad for the poor man getting yelled at. He asked why he didn’t just send him to time out and if he was going to be ok.
At what point did we lose perspective on the fact that other people are around us, sometimes small vulnerable children. Children watch and listen much more than adults do and they are constantly assimilating the information, it is a combination of what they learn at home, from school and walking down the street that forms them as people.
I want to protect my kids, shelter them from the crazy people, who by the way are a small percentage of people but they seem to be the loudest. I know that they will be introduced to negative people, foul language, and be witness to acts of violence.
It is my job as their mother to sort out the details for them, talk about the situations and do my best to help us learn from them. I will not be with them forever but while I am, I am watching, listening and acting as a filter for my kids.
I am constantly teaching them to treat others as they would like to be treated through both my words and examples. When I screw up, I claim it, tell them that I made a mistake and mistakes are one way that people learn, and I learned…
No one is perfect and I am not asking you to be. All that I am asking is that the next time that you get mad or feel like yelling, take a minute to see who is watching and what will they learn from it?
If you are witness to an act of kindness, talk about it in even more detail than an act of anger. Communication and observation help us to raise our children to understand the Golden Rule and learn to live it in their everyday lives.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you; profound, yet simple.
Off to make another Mommy Milestone.