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My Daughter's Father

My Daughter's Father is a unique perspective on the challenges of parenting from a seldom-told vantage point: The single dad. Sam, a 33-year-old journalist, will write about the joy and heartache of loving and raising — and sharing — the most precious part of his life, Maddie. This candid essay about the anxiety of knowing that every decision helps mold his child into the woman she will become comes from a father who has grudgingly acknowledged that, no matter how hard we try, we parents will never have it all figured out.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - Posts

  • Maddie's grown up decision

    One of the more difficult aspects of parenting, I've found, is helping Maddie appreciate all her blessings.

    The girl wants for nothing. Every Christmas is a lottery jackpot; you'd think Santa tired as he reached her tree and decided to just leave the whole bag. Her Mom told me last year that she was rewrapping a couple gifts from the previous holiday she found that still had tags.

    Despite her overflowing closets at her Mom's and my house, Maddie persists in asking for a new toy every time we go to a store, which, I suppose, is any child's wont. Mind you, she never gives me any grief when I tell her "no" - as far as I can remember, she's never thrown a fit for not getting something she wanted.

    Maddie had some scratch from her last visit from the tooth fairy, and her Mom asked that I take her to the store this past weekend so she could spend it. As we were walking to the Jeep, her step-dad acknowledged Maddie has a hard time saving.

    Ah, an opportunity.

    Maddie's really big on the Littlest Pet Shop toys and took a long time deliberating over which one she wanted when we went to the store later that night. I suggested she could hang on to the money and after she got some more money down the road, she could put it all together and get something then.

    She went with the pony.

    On our drive home from the store, Maddie asked what I thought about her choice. I told her I thought she should have saved her money, that she already has a lot of the Pet Shop toys and there was surely something bigger and more expensive that she'd want down the road and that saving her money would help her get it.

    The girl agonized for hours. I could tell it was really weighing on her - oh, the stress of being 7 - and I asked her every once in awhile what she was thinking about.

    "It's a really hard decision," she told me.

    Finally, Maddie decided to return the toy and save her money for another day. This was a big step. For a child to sacrifice immediate gratification - something with which even adults have tremendous difficulty - to do something responsible and sensible is a great moment of maturation.

    I was so impressed.


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