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My Daughter's Father

My Daughter's Father is a unique perspective on the challenges of parenting from a seldom-told vantage point: The single dad. Sam, a 33-year-old journalist, will write about the joy and heartache of loving and raising — and sharing — the most precious part of his life, Maddie. This candid essay about the anxiety of knowing that every decision helps mold his child into the woman she will become comes from a father who has grudgingly acknowledged that, no matter how hard we try, we parents will never have it all figured out.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008 - Posts

  • Lying: Santa and the imagination

    This post ran a little long, so this is now the second of a four-part series. 

    I was 5 or 6 when Santa Claus came to visit my little brother and me on Christmas Eve. I was more curious than excited about the rotund, bespectacled fellow sitting in our living room; his arrival and presence was underwhelming, not the magic I expected. My brother, 14 months my junior, was simply terrified.

    I don't recall what made me wander to the front door and out into the crisp winter air as my parents cajoled my brother to sit with jolly St. Nick, though it may have been the hope of eight reindeer fulfilling my holiday visions.

    In the place of a sleigh brimming with toys, I found a Volkswagen Beetle at the top of our drive.

    I remember, instead of deep disappointment, I felt that my suspicions were confirmed. And I never thought my parents had lied to me.

    When it comes to childhood fantasy characters, I'm a little torn … and a little biased. I've begun to harbor some resentment toward Mr. Claus the last few years, as it has been decided, sans my input, that he does not visit my home but only Maddie's Mom's. Thus, until she no longer believes, I will not get to spend Christmas Eve with her.

    And then there's the Tooth Fairy, who's breaking the bank. Maddie should be able to afford her own braces with today's exorbitant rates.

    A child's imagination and wonderment about life — something almost all of us, through experience and knowledge, eventually lose — are priceless and irreplaceable aspects of human growth. The unbridled imagination Maddie possesses fosters creativity that amazes me both in the amusing and impressive things she comes up with and the insight into real life she learns from it.

    To prevent Maddie from buying into these fantastical, gift-bearing figments of our minds would be to steal from her some of the building blocks of creativity with which all children begin life.

    Ultimately, I don't see purveying these characters as lying. We all believe in something that may or may not exist, and story telling is a natural part of the human condition. Besides, I don't think Maddie really believes there is a singing mound of snow or flying reindeer, and I've yet to know a child in the world who expressed curiosity about the nature and look of the Tooth Fairy.

    When presented with these nebulous ideas of strange creatures that show up once a year under cover of darkness, children are often on to what we're trying to sell. That they see them only in cartoons or at the local mall surely tells them they are as real as Scooby Doo. And they usually translate that knowledge so that, by the time the existence of Santa is proven false, they are not surprised or disillusioned.

     Watch for Lying: Death and your little one tomorrow.


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