I have eaten so much this week it’s disgusting.

Before we left, I swore to myself I would just have a light breakfast every day and continue my regular 1/2-hour morning-walk routine. A small lunch, a healthy snack or two, and then maybe a nice dinner out – a big salad or some fish.

Our first morning here, we went straight to the breakfast buffet and every meal since has been a blur of cheese and chocolate and onion strings. And you know, I’m kind of pissed off at America right now. At home, when I order a salad, I get a plate with some greenery, a few veg and perhaps some grilled chicken on top. Here, when I order a "salad," it’s covered in Buffalo wings and Fruit Loops, and served in something akin to an upside-down garbage-can lid. And of course it’s so delicious that I simply must eat every bite.

I think my fundus is now roughly the size of the Luxor Hotel:

Yeah, yeah, we can all laugh about it now. Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right?

Ummm... wrong.

I’m so constipated that I fear the beloved slogan of Sin City will be unable to deliver on its promise of guilt-free indulgence this time. Yes, apart from the large deposit Dan left at the blackjack table at the Bellagio, what happened in Vegas will definitely be coming home with us.