There’s no shortage of information out there on all things pregnancy.

Websites like this one – ePregnancy has been one of my faves since long before I started blogging here! – and of course magazines, books, newsletters and even podcasts promise a wealth of knowledge at our very fingertips.

Of all the resources available to the gestating masses, a handy desk reference is simply a must, able to provide quick and accurate answers to our most pertinent, time-sensitive worries and wonderings. Indeed, the first thing most first-timers buy after peeing on that stick is the undisputed classic of the genre – What to Expect When You’re Expecting.

Bad Thing #3: What To Expect When You’re Expecting

Alas, IMHO, it also happens to be the most asinine, insensitive and borderline offensive tome ever to hit the shelves. Since pregnancy is a nerve-wracking enough time as it is, the constant fear-mongering about miscarriage, birth defects, nutrition and everything that can possibly go wrong contained within this book’s pages is, quite frankly, irresponsible. (For a far more engaging alternative, check out this way better book instead.)

The authors’ ominous responses to some of the more common pregnancy questions regarding spotting, cramping, aching and so on are about as reassuring as a slap in the face. I don’t mean to suggest that they should gloss over the truth, but mightn’t they have chosen a more encouraging tone instead? I swear, I’ve never gone to that book for advice and felt anything but ill-at-ease afterwards. And some of it is just completely ridiculous. The authors’ so-called "Best-Odds Diet" – whose weighty name implies that mothers who don’t follow their plan are risking the health of their unborn children – is downright laughable for its extremism and rigidity.

In case you’ve never read it, here’s What to Expect When You Read What To Expect When You’re Expecting... actual quotes taken from the "Newly Updated" version of the book:

* "Once a week, give in to... a bran or whole-grain muffin made with sugar or honey." And then maybe next month you could even treat yourself to a slab of tree bark and some vegan paté.

* "The only good thing that can be said about postpartum depression is that it doesn’t last very long – about 48 hours for most women..." for which "...there’s no cure other than the passage of time." Um, I’m not even going to touch that one.

* "All expectant mothers should avoid listening to loud music..and going to tock concerts." No Metallica for you, mommy!

* "A ‘natural’ mushroom can be poisonous." (And possibly cause hallucinations.)

* "A microwave oven... may also be a modern menace" to the developing fetus. Popcorn anyone?

Oh, I could go on and on.

The underlying problem with the book is that the authors seem unwilling to acknowledge that this sort of stuff isn’t always in your control. Women who have extreme morning sickness, for example, and who are unable to follow the "Best-Odds Diet" – thereby failing in theory to provide proper nutrition to their growing fetuses – still manage to have happy, healthy babies all the time. Somehow, that little bean of yours will suck whatever he needs from your body’s stores whether or not you’re able to eat your way to your RDA for iron or niacin or whatever.

At the other end of the spectrum, the authors brutally berate mothers who gain more than 25-30 pounds during their pregnancies. As far as I know, those of us who indulge the occasional Twinkie craving are no more likely to suffer miscarriage or pre-eclampsia or pre-term labor than those who go for a sprouts-only approach. I know that gaining way too much weight (or way too little) can cause pregnancy complications, but come on – there are worse things than having a few extra pounds to lose when all’s said and done, so turning into a health-crazed organic orthorexic zombie zealot during your gestation is just plain dumb.

Reproduction is a two-sided coin. When all goes smoothly, pregnancy and childbirth is surely the most joyous and miraculous process in the realm of human experience; sometimes, however, it does not. Aside from those obvious cases in which mothers willingly indulge in substances or activities known to be harmful to their unborn babies (and I’m talking crack, here, not half a ballpark frank), having a child is a roll of the dice, a leap of faith, luck of the draw. We are only human, after all, and humans are only animals, subject to both the cruelty and kindness of Mother Nature, no matter how hard you pray or hope or will things to be.