I’m having a hard time coming up with a third pregnancy perk. Frankly, I’m amazed I even came up with two.

Then again, even the most multiparous of sycophantic, triathletic supermoms would have to agree that Week 38, Kid #3, is probably not the best time to be singing the praises of pregnancy. My hemorrhoid has had a baby of its own, I think, my cankles are bloated beyond belief, and my bladder has completely betrayed me.

Moving my massive bulk from Point A to Point B is truly a sight to behold. Yes, I’ve seen Teletubbies with a more graceful gait than yours truly. Did I mention that I tripped and fell at the bottom of the stairs outside our house the other day and sustained a foot-long scrape up my shin? That was fun. I’m sure Dan was sincere when he promised to fix that broken step THREE AND A HALF MONTHS AGO, but at least no one was hurt that badly.

Though the physical obstacles posed by the last few weeks of pregnancy are always a bit challenging, thank goodness my spirits are soaring. Those half-in, half-out "stuck baby" dreams I’ve been having are decreasing in frequency – if only because I’ve been completely unable to sleep – and I think I’ve managed to come to terms with the fact that a fourth-degree episiotomy tear may be in my near future.

Wow. I’m a real barrel of laughs tonight!

All I can say in my own defence is that even with all my b*tching and moaning, I am thankful to have what to complain about. I love my kids despite – and perhaps because of – what it takes to bring them into the world. I know that in the end it’s all worth it, and I promise not to hold it against anyone except Dan.

Okay, lemme give this a shot... one last time, since I’m thinking I may go into labour at any moment. (Don’t worry – afterwards, I plan to regale you all with the next part of this series – "Postpartum Perks." Oh, what a joy it shall be!)

Pregnancy Perk #3:

<<cough cough>>

<<crickets chirping>>

Nope.

Nothing.

Sorry.

Oh, wait...

Phew! I knew there had to be something!