I feel a bit bad about my last post. Candy Land, while no doubt moderately evil, does provide good clean fun for innocent children who don’t know any better. At least Abby’s not into playing Grand Theft Auto, right?
And so, to balance out some of those Bad Things and therefore attenuate all the negative energy I’m putting out there, I’ve also decided to post some nice, friendly, positive things from time to time.
Today I’d like to sing the praises of pregnancy. This is especially important since you will soon surely tire of hearing all about my anemia and swollen ankles and constipation and weight gain and leg cramps and blurry vision and mood swings and insomnia and incontinence and bleeding gums and round ligament pains, to name but a few.
The Perks of Pregnancy #1: My Shiny, Lustrous Hair
Part of the miracle of growing a new life is that the gardener gets to stop dying, just a little bit, for nine whole months. Indeed, my skin is aglow, chubbier cheeks have plumped up my laugh lines and crow’s feet, and my nails don’t crack anymore. Best of all? My hair – I haven’t lost a single strand since I peed on that stick.
Normally, the bottom of my bathtub looks like a colony of tribbles:
But now, I’m like the girl from that stupid Fructis commercial who pulls a pick-up truck out of a ditch with her ponytail. And it’ll stay this way, too, until I stop breastfeeding. Then, within a few weeks, I’ll be nearly bald. My plumber will be on speed dial again, and I’ll burn out yet another vacuum cleaner motor.
Until then, it’s all good.