Well Friday I got more blood work done to check HCG levels and they went from 5088 to 489. So that told us right then. I waited for Josh to get home to tell him and we bawled! I am so upset..I'm trying to deal with this but it's hard!! This might be TMI so if you're grossed out easily don't read the next part...Sunday night (yes Mother's Day) I was changing my pad and there was a rather big clot in it..Well we looked at it and it was sort of hard, and it has like white tissue looking stuff around it. I knew right then what it was. That was our would be child! Now a disposable. I had started to heal emotionally since Friday and that brought back every flooding memory and hopes for this baby and it was never going to happen. We stayed up crying and talking and more crying and everything until it was so late we both drifted off! Josh said we should save it to possibly take to the Dr. well i called and they didn't want me to bring it in. Am I totally crazy for wanting to bury it and not throw it in a plastic bag to be taken to a land fill? I would rather bury it in by my lilacs so I can look at them every day and know that everything is ok and when we move I can take some lilacs with me as if I'm taking our child with us. Do you all think I'm nutz now or what? Anyways please let me know if that's the weirdest thing you've ever heard!!

Our life right now is filled with ups and downs. I wish everything was fine but it's not and is life ever perfect? there is always something to keep you wondering and thinking about when are things going to get better..We're trying to heal this open wound but it's a big one so it will take a while! Please keep us in your thought/prayers. We are going to try again as soon as we get the OK from the doc! Much Love to all of you and may all your pregnancies be far less complicated! I wish you all the best!!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand what you are going through as I have endured 3 miscarriages and never do they get any easier. You are not nuts either! I think burying it in your lilacs is a beautiful idea. You will always have that to look upon and know that part of them is your child. If I would've had the opportunity, I would have done something like that, but unfortunately never got the chance as 2 were completely spontaneous and went down the toilet and the other wouldn't let go and I had have a D&C. Don't let anyone tell you that you are crazy for wanting to bury your baby, no matter how small, that was still your baby. Stay strong, good luck for next time. My prayers are with you.

I'm so sorry for your loss! I think giving your baby a burial is a wonderful idea. It breaks my heart to hear stories of women who have brought the little sac to their doctor's, who have just tossed it in the trash. This is your child! Even if he or she never got to taste life in the big world. My prayers are with you on your healing process. I hope that you soon have reason to hope again.

-Debbie 

Thank you ladies for your much needed wisdom! I'm glad I am not the only one who thought it was a good idea...and I was worried that's what would happen is if we took it to the Dr. she would just throw him away. I am so excited to start trying again but I'm a little nervous...but it's not worth it to not try. I went to the Dr. the other day and everything had cleared out naturally so I am glad to hear I won't be needing a D&C...I'm so sorry you had to get one. I can't imagine how hard that would be..like putting salt in an open wound. My mother had one about 9 years ago and I remember how hurt she was emotionally and physically. I was only 11 when she had it so I didn't really know what was going on. Anyways Hope all is well! toodles...

JoDe

I know what you are going through, i have had 4 miscarriages up until now, i am finally able to have a baby that will go to full term. i personally dont think that you are crazy for wanting to have a burial. i would have if i didnt have to have D & C's with mine but it will definitely take some time to heal that hurt that you are having, i still feel so ashamed from losing mine and the doctors keep telling me there was nothing that could have been done to stop it and i finally found a doctor to tell me what exactly was going on in my body and so i am relieved to know that it wasnt me it was the type of birth control that i used before i was married. I had completely given up on having children and then i had my little guy come along and suprise us. I wish you the best of luck with your next pregnancy.

best of luck

kay