I am pregnant with my third child and while this child was not planned I am looking forward to having him or her around. I am about 7 weeks and I found out about 2 weeks ago. I am not working right now because I recently got laid off but I am steadily looking tor work. My hisband feels that we can not afford another child right now I asked him if he wants me to have an abortion and he said that it would be best but he can't tell me what to do with my body. I have never had an abortion and he knows how i feel about them and I don't want to be guilted into something that I regret for the rest of my life. Two of his former girlfriends have had abortions with his child but I always told him that I am pro-life.  I am so upset about this I never thought he would act like this it is not as if I am having the baby tomorrow we have until next year to prepare for this child.Has anyone else been through this and kept their baby? What happened with you and the father.

I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through this! I can't say I've ever been in that situation, but I know it's normal for fathers to worry about financial things more than the baby itself sometimes. Be strong! I'm very pro-life too so of course I'm with you on keeping the baby, and I just pray that he will come around too. My thoughts are with you! 

 I can't say mine ever wanted me to abort our 3rd but he was REALLY REALLY unhappy about it he wouldn't talk to me for about 22-24wks. At that point I told him to get over it or get out... needless to say he stuck around because now #4 is on the way. I can just mention he was WAY more happy about this one than I was.. not that he/she isn't wanted (I find out the sex today!) but he/she was supposed to come NEXT year. Abortion never crossed my mind but this time I had to get over it. I wish you luck and peace with your decision.

 

Helene 

Thank you both for taking the time to respond to my problem. My husband is REALLY REALLY unhappy also he doesn't want to have sex with me or even be around me and whenever we talk we argue.

I think that it is a decision that you need to make because you’re the one that will be living with it.  I understand that he is upset about it now but like Helen said “get over it or get out”  I know it is easier said then done but with marriages ended all the time now who is to say you’ll be married in five years and can you live with having an abortion and then your marriage ending later down the road?  It might not and you might stay married forever but it is your body and he needs to respect that.  And remember if you do this for him you will resent him and might not ever be able to heal from that and of course that could go the other way but with the baby it makes it easier to forget resentments.  

 

Some how you always manage to figure out the funds when it comes to your children.  You might not be able to afford a child now but 7 months from now could be totally different.  Just remember everything changes and the only thing that stays the same is change.

 

Good luck to you!

I am so sorry that you have to go through this type of stress when you are pregnant, my only suggestion is to possibly go talk to someone together about the situation that is extremely neutral.  The one thing that I have learned since getting pregnant is that being able to have a healthy child is a true blessing because if you read some of these boards there are so many women who experience horrible situations or go through a really tough battle to have a child.  If you want this baby, then you owe it to yourself and the baby to convince your husband to talk to someone.   In the end the decision is yours together because that is the only way that marriage stays strong.  Good luck, my thoughts are with you as I know this is a very tough situation. 

I've had an abortion before and not because I wanted to. It was because my mother and my older sister told me it was better for my life, my bf's life and their lives that I get rid of it. Needless to say, I have been mad as holy hell at them for two years and mad at myself for being stupid enough to listen to other people about the well being of my baby without finding anything out.

You already have strong doubts about it so I know that an abortion would probably be the worse thing for you. You should have a talk with your husband about how this is making you feel and if he truly cares, he would listen. An abortion will stick with you for the rest of you life and depending on the type of woman you are, the guilt will hit you sooner or later. Judging from what I have read, it will hit you very quickly.

 I suggest getting a counselor or a friend to mediate for you two. By yourselves, the situations might still escalate.
 

I just read about what you are going through, and my heart goes out to you, your stomach must be in knots over this. I have also read all of your responses and I really think you are getting great advice here. I had an abortion when I was 19, I was in an abusive relationship mental, and physical, The decision was that of the abusive boyfriend, pushed on him by his mother, and her father. No one knew accept for his family, My Mom found out later after I finally left him, and she was so heart broken. We prayed for the lost baby, something I was very scared to do at the time of the abortion, I felt so awful and blammed myself for not being stronger. What my Mom was really heart broken about was the guilt she knew that I would suffer after I recovered from the abusive relationship. It was awful, for a very long time. I was so angry with myself, Sometimes I still get sad, followed by anger at the ex-boyfriend, and his Mother. Even though its been eight years since the relationship ended, and nine and a half since the abortion. I now have a wonderful husband a beatiful 4 yr old daughter, and one on the way. If your husband loves your other two children, and I'm sure he does, he will come around I truly believe The Lord intended this for your family, Be strong, What you wrote in your initial entry is called your instincts, reread it, and  follow it. Its called your gut Instinct. Its usually one of those extra sences God has given to us, (Moms). Your Husband will come around, they always do. God bless you, I'll pray that you have a wonderful Pregnancy, and a Healthy Beautiful Baby.

 

It is so very hard in that type of situation.  I have never had to face abortion but I have lost two pregnancy's in many ways it is very different but you are still losing a child.  My husband and I were trying to have our second and in one year we had two miscarriages that alone tore our relationship apart.  It gives you such an empty feeling knowing that something you might have done could have caused it.  It was a terrible experience!  Then about two months after my last miscarriage i ended up pregnant again by then my husband and I were not on the best of terms.  when I told him he was unhappy about it.  we didn't plan this one but now I am 5 months and he is much happier about the situation.  I think after he can start to feel the baby move and I start to show more he will feel even more excited about the situation.  I am pro-life but I think in your situation this is your desicion, you know what he wants but don't do this for him. You love your husband I am sure but when it comes to your kids who comes first them or him?  This is your child, your body.  Just remember whatever you choose don't regret and don't do it for anyone else!  best of luck to you!

I would like to make an update on my situation. Last week I broke my silence with my husband. I texted him and told him that we have to talk tonight. He called me on his break and I let him know how i felt. I told him that he was acting as if he was the only one that was scared and surprised that I got pregnant because I have PCOS. I let him know that we are very blessed to even have one child let alone 2 and one on the way with PCOS because there are many women with PCOS that never conceive. I told him either get over yourself or get out my life.  I informed him that we are in this together and that we need to act like we are in this together. He apologized for acting like an and apologized for neglecting me and now talks about the baby that we are expecting even when I don't bring it up. He is rubbing on my stomach and helping me with the other kids more because I have had terrible nausea for the past week. I have my first ultrasound on Monday and he is looking forward to it. Thank You to everyone how commented and as special thanx to HELEN.

 

I'm glad things are going better for you and that you were stronge enough to make a stand with your husband. Best of luck with your third baby!

Glad it worked out for you I hope you two enjoy a happy healthy pregnancy and baby!

Sue

I'm very glad that your husband is coming to an understanding. I had my first son at the age of 13 and I didn't even think about an abortion. I'm Pro-Life and I did a speech a few months after I gave birth to him. It won second place in a contest. I wish you the very best!

That is wonderful news that you and your husband seem to have worked things out!  Good luck and keep us updated on baby progress:)

This is so great!  I'm so glad that you all worked it out.   Best luck to you all!