The paperwork at my new OB/GYN's office asked, "How many pregnancies have you had?" I wrote 1.
How many Live Births? I wrote 1.
I made the appt. with a new DR. b/c my old one, when I called that I was scared b/c I had my period for two weeks straight in April, and 3 weeks straight into May (And I'm always 1 full week, every 27-29 days, like clockwork, was never irregular before). My old DR was only willing to give me an appt. in August, so I tried a new DR.
It was only when I filled out those q's it hit me, "Maybe I'm pregnant?" So I wasn't crazily surprised when the test came back positive immediately that I was pregnant, but I just feared for how much longer.
I puked like mad and was exhausted from day one with my son's pregnancy almost 4 years ago. This time I had no signs. I had an inkling that maybe I was pregnant in April, but then I started bleeding, so I figured, no point taking a test now.
So here I am now, probably about 2 months, but they can't be sure. The doctor said wait one week (AKA THE LONGEST WEEK OF MY LIFE) and we'll see if there's a heartbeat next week. So, this Friday, a week later, they say there's too much clotting, bleeding, and tissue to be a normal pregnancy, and if it had a chance there'd be a heartbeat by now.
So I had no choice, after I was sent to a specialist for a second opinion Friday (it's Sunday now) and to rule out a Molar pregnancy (not that I ever heard of any of this stuff before, and they expect me to know what they're talking about). He agreed no chance this will be a normal child, schedule a D&C.
So they wouldn't give me an appointment for the D&C until Tuesday at 2p.m. But this isn't fine - I have to go the half hr to the hospital Monday for test & pre-op things, then fast until Tuesday's prodedure from after Midnight. Thanks guys. Bunch of jerks, they'll know why if I do puke if I decide not to listen to them.
I just don't care now. I have nothing to lose. So I just started bleeding, and the new DR said call him if I do. He said just wait, and he'll "TRY" to fit me in tomorrow. I really hope the baby just passes so I don't have to go through & anestesia and the 2 more full days of ordeals. This doesn't have to be such a big deal. And then I start crying, and they act like I'm nuts. They say, hey, this happens! And "Don't worry, it's not your fault!"
I HAD NO THOUGHTS THAT THIS WAS MY FAULT UNTIL THEY SAID THAT!!! THANKS DOCTOR'S!!!
Then they tell me it's not b/c of my diet (again, didn't think there was a chance it was)...I was on a very extreme diet, Medifast, to lose weight I still had from my first son (I'm around 200lbs now despite losing 56 between the gym & dieting). I know I have enough bodyfat to sustain someone even if I wasn't taking in any calories LOL. If women in Somalia can deliver normal babies when they're malnourished, my kiddo had nothing to worry about.
I had a babysitter (aka amazing sis & bro in law) lined up for the first time in almost a year to take my 3 yr old for the weekend) for my hubby & I to celebrate our anniversary. The STUPID doctor tells me not to go away to the hotel, in case I need an emergency D&C. I tell him our non-refundable booked hotel is only 45 min away, and he says still, don't go.
WHY??? Because I might end up having to go to a different DR at a diff. hospital than him if I'm out of state, even if I'm close. And it's important that he do this, as my doctor.
But wait, it gets better. Then he starts to tell me about the D&C once I ask (no, he hadn't thought to tell me anything) and mentions he's out of town on vacation all this coming week and he's really sorry he won't be able to do my procedure...so then it's not so important he does it, someone else from the practice will do it instead.
So, needless to say, he was being a hypocrite, I ignored DR's orders (and it felt great) since I saw there was a good hospital only .8mi from my hotel, which is closer than I have a hospital at home. We really were able to relax (and I slept fine w/some tylenol PM, after all, no baby to worry about it).
I ate some great sushi today, drank a glass of wine, and said, hey, if I don't have to watch out for a baby, let me do all the things I would have missed.
I keep crying on and off, but after it took me over an hr and a half to get my 3 yr old to sleep tonight, I figured, ok, at least I can deal with me now.
I hope to have another one soon, I'm sure this had to happen for a reason.
Sorry this was so long, but I had to get this off my chest. And I hope that if anyone else is going through this at least it helps to know you're not alone. I'm lucky I decided not to tell anyone yet that I was expecting (since the news traveled like wildfire the first time, I didn't even tell immediate family). The only people who know now are one sister in law, and one friend, who both lost babies recently, since I knew they'd understand, and could tell me what to expect with the D&C.
So for now, I should change my name here, I'm no longer on number two :_(
Stay strong everyone, we'll have more one day, when it's meant to be.