At the end of the first year of parenthood, a lot of parents are tempted to throw their infant a fancy birthday bash. Please don’t.
I completely understand the urge, but it is a waste of time and money to go to great lengths for someone who thinks a big night is some alone time with your Tupperware. You’re the one who needs to be congratulated on surviving the first year of parenthood with your sanity and marriage intact. Your baby can’t distinguish this day from any other.
Unfathomably, there are people out there who go crazy with the celebrating, spending more money on their baby’s first birthday than an NBA player spends on child support. While standing in line at McDonald’s (one underappreciated baby perk is you will now be waking up before McDonald’s stops serving breakfast), I heard a woman talking loudly on her cell phone. She was saying something to the effect of “Ralph and I are throwing Julianna a huge party for her first birthday. Our catering budget alone is eight thousand dollars.”
My first thought was, if you have eight grand to spend on food, why on earth are you eating at McDonald’s? My next thought was, eight thousand dollars just for the food? I mean, their little tulip is only a year old! I seriously doubt she could even tell the difference between Osetra and Beluga caviar. Plus, if this woman was forking out eight grand on just the food what was she planning for the entertainment? Was she going to have Captain Kangaroo dug up and reanimated for a personal appearance at her daughter’s bash? I was so irritated I could just barely finish my second McGriddle.
Let’s be logical here. What is the point really of making a big deal out of your twelve month old’s birthday? Do we think they’re going to spend the day reflecting on the crazy year they’ve had? Looking back fondly on when they took their initial swig of apple juice, rolled over for the first time and learned to almost say “bird” -- not the whole word, just the b sound?
I don’t think so. They’re going to do what they do the other 364 days of the year: watch a video, throw food on the floor, have a nap, gnaw on something they’re not supposed to, cry and repeat.
The first couple of years, when your child is blissfully unaware of their birthday, should really be thought of as free years. Why pull out all the stops while your baby has no long term memory anyway? Besides which, your baby will probably only be scared by all the excess fuss and attention, and you will spend your quality celebration time comforting them. A good rule of thumb is no birthday party until they can say “birthday party.”
Regardless of what I say, some people won’t be able to resist the urge to throw some type of first birthday party and, luckily for them, there is a whole industry built around it. Spend three minutes on the Internet and you’ll find endless places to buy schwag for all your popular birthday themes like Barney, Bear in the Big Blue House and Sesame Street. I looked for Dog the Bounty Hunter but, strangely, couldn’t find it anywhere; so if you’re sold on this trendy theme you may have to make it yourself.
You can also find suggestions for activities and games for the big event. I found one website that promises “Bright Ideas for Busy Families.” They say that “realistically, one-year-old parties are for the grown-ups to celebrate” and then they offer up some game ideas that adults can enjoy. Like one called Baby’s First Guessing Game where, in a nutshell, you’re supposed to collect photos or hand drawn pictures of mementos of big firsts in your baby’s life like first smile, etc. Then you’re supposed to tack them up on the wall and let all of your guests take a stab at guessing when the events happened. Whoever gets the most right wins a prize! Or how about one called Baby Bottle Bowling where you fill ten bottles with water or rice, arrange them like bowling pins, and let people take turns throwing a ball to either get a strike or break a lamp.
By the looks of the planning and the attention span it would require to put these games together, the webmaster and I have very different definitions of the word “busy.” If you want to try any of these games I’d suggest getting started while you’re baby’s still gestating.
Seriously, you’re one who’s celebrating. So cut the charade that it’s all for your baby, and if you must have a party, throw a nice casual cocktail party for after the baby’s already put down to bed for the night. If you want to, you can give your baby a little cupcake and sing “Happy Birthday” and then off to bed we go!
When my daughter turned one, we chose to keep it really simple. My husband and I did a shot of tequila, high-fived each other and called it a year. Heck, we were tired. Granted, she’ll be traumatized when she realizes her first birthday passed with no pomp and circumstance, but I’m confident that eventually, with the guidance of a good therapist and a lot of intense journaling she’ll be able to work through it while keeping her self-esteem intact.
If this is a worry for you, you have my permission to just go ahead and tell your kid they had a huge birthday party. How are they going to know any differently? With modern technology you can cut and paste your little one’s picture into another kid’s party pictures whose parents went all-out and threw an expensive bash. It’s pretty simple really: people who care about their children have Adobe Photoshop.
And as far as presents go, less is more here too. I have a feeling your one year old will be way more thrilled with a plastic Folger’s instant coffee container lid than any gift that comes from Bloomingdale's. Bonus: you won’t even need a gift receipt.
© 2006, Stefanie Wilder-Taylor
from Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay: and Other Things I Had to Learn as a New Mom, Simon Spotlight Entertainment, 2006