Congratulations! You have peed on the little plastic stick, then gone to your doctor to find out it is official. You are pregnant.
As with many couples, you probably read tons of information on how to get pregnant and the process took up a lot of your time, energy and effort. So, with What to Expect When You Are Expecting by in hand, you boldly turn to the chapter labeled “Sex While Pregnant."
Surprise! Now that you are pregnant, your sex life will once again change. Yes, yes, with all the other changes going on in your life, here is one more thing to think about.
Be very aware that, if you are not careful now, you may develop poor sexual habits that will carry through for the rest of your relationship. Please do not go with the flow and expect sex to magically happen on its own. Instead, apply the same kind of vigor and pragmatism you had towards sex when trying to conceive.
Every woman is different and every pregnancy is different. Generally speaking, after conception, sex can become uncomfortable, and often undesirable, for women. Would you want sex after a day of puking, flatulence, constipation, hormones that make PMS seem like a walk in the park, feeling like the Goodyear blimp, not to mention exhaustion that reaches to the very core? It is a wonder that some women are willing to have sex at all!
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However, I believe the trials and tribulations that pregnancy brings, in their way, model what the couple can expect from their sex life for the next few years. Often this means sporadic and not necessarily earth-shattering sex.
So what can you do during your pregnancy to remain intimate with your partner? I know this answer will shock and surprise you: sailing through this new phase means being open and honest in your communication.
Create New Habits
Recognize that you must learn a new model of behavior or routine around your sex. Presently, you know three models of behavior: newby bunny-like sex, sex without a child, and on-a-mission-to-get-pregnant sex.
Creating new healthy sexual habits around “after-baby sex” will mostly likely be frustrating. Give yourself and your partner grace. You are delving into uncharted territory and you will almost certainly have a fight or two over these frustrations.
Get Rid of Guilt
If you are feeling guilty (or making your partner feel guilty), guess what? Eventually your sex life will be riddled with resentment and anxiety. Not sexy. For the women, do not lay on the guilt because you feel rotten and think it selfish for your man to even look at you sexually. For men, do not make your partner feel guilty because you may be getting sex once a month -- if that. Guilt anywhere in life is not called for and should be especially avoided at this point.
Contracts Apply to Sex, Too
It's a smart idea to set up a contract of sorts and agree to basic sexual expectations. Think things through now so that big fights over little things do not occur in your future. For example, your partner might have expectations of sex at least once per week. If this is unlikely, discuss it and figure out what can be done instead. Women, your expectation might be that, in order to have sex, you need some pampering -- that is, have your partner do a load of laundry or the dishes so you can have some down time and make the transition from mommy to sex kitten.
The Biology Factor
Women, keep in mind the way your biology works. The longer a woman goes without having an orgasm, the longer she can go without an orgasm. As such, it is imperative to focus on your own pleasure during sporadic sex. Otherwise, you will create the precedent of having sex without an orgasm, and sex will soon become a chore that is no longer fun for you. Who wants that? Sex is supposed to be the “time to look forward to” part of your day, rather than the “not again” part of your day.
Finally, not everything to do with pregnant sex is negative. There are some definite benefits! With pregnancy comes an increased blood flow to the pelvic region and therefore it is possible for women to have easier and more intense orgasms. Yeah! I guess it is the trade off for having to puke all the time. As well, the birthing process will change the make up of your vaginal canal and sex will, hopefully, feel different and better. And that's definitely something to look forward to.